Compatibilities
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I was just wondering ... You know how important it is to almost all of us that our significant other share the same values, moral standards, interests, etc? Needless to say, there could be differences in other areas but I guess when it comes to the crunch, things like those mentioned above are very important and perhaps, not to be compromised.
However, how important is it to be compatible in other areas like Sociability (ie. Introversion vs Extroversion), how athletic and active one is, whether one likes to stay home or languish outdoors... factors like these.
Is it possible, for instance, for a social butterfly and a very active person to actually fall for and love a quiet introvert who loves to stay home and doesn't like to exercise much? Do you think relationships with such differences will work in the long run? -
It really depends. Sometimes opposites attract and other times you rather flock with the same bird.
However, I think the key is sharing the same values, moral standards, goals and most importantly how money is spent. Interests can differ. They make life more interesting anyway when you try each other hobbies/interests.
Respect each other for being the unique individual they are is important too. I mean that was why you fell in love with him/her right so why try to change them
(unless it's vices like chain smoking, drinking like a whale & gambling the house away) -
Differences can be interesting... but if a man's the active sort who loves to go outdoors and get into activities whilst the lady prefers to stay out of the sun and be at home most of the time, wouldn't they end up grating on each other's nerves?
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My girlfriend whom I am going to marry in June is quite the opposite of me. She is bubbly and smiley. Because she smiles a lot, she makes friends easily. She already has a steady group of friends at a new place of work. On the other hand, those who know me, I am quiet, always looking like in I'm in deep thoughts and poker-faced. Almost unsociable
We do do things together and shared common values in most things. I think that is very much important. Sometimes disagreements arose because of our different ways of approaching problems and issues. But it takes a bit 'dying' to do, i.e. swallow of our pride, on both sides.
We've been together for only two years. I don't think this can be considered long term yet, but I'm certain we can go the long way down the road
I give my answer again 40 years later ok? 
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Thanks for sharing, sillyme! 
So was it your opposite characters that attracted you to each other in the first place? Has she ever wished that you were more sociable and you wished that she was less sociable? -
No leh. She knows I'm not. But I try to be. In fact, I am opening myself up slowly others around me. And with her around, it's easier to warm up to others
I think we ride on each other's strengths, and cover each other's weaknesses.
I think the key is not force your own style. If change is to come, it must be from within lor -
You'll be fine as long as you don't expect the other half to accompany you outdoors / indoors. During the courtship phase they'll be all - "OK, good to try new things! " After that it'll be - "spare me please, you go ahead, we meet at home after " .
It's important to be understanding and tolerant of each other's natures. You can expect some change in your partner but seldom a 180 degree transformation.
That's why they say, one person alone will not fulfill all your needs.Originally posted by Rhonda:Differences can be interesting... but if a man's the active sort who loves to go outdoors and get into activities whilst the lady prefers to stay out of the sun and be at home most of the time, wouldn't they end up grating on each other's nerves? -
the only barrier I've ever found .........
was religion unfortunately ....
and certainly not from my part either ....
I believe anything else can be surmounted, overlooked, worked out, or accommodated ....
when it comes to religion however ... many people (okay, many parents perhaps) ... harbour this "you're either going to heaven with me or going to hell" attitude ..... -
Haha even worse if they tell you " if you don't do this, you'll drag me down to hell with you! "Originally posted by Fatum:when it comes to religion however ... many people (okay, many parents perhaps) ... harbour this "you're either going to heaven with me or going to hell" attitude .....
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ah religion...............believe you me if that wasn't in the way for me I'd quite possibly be happily married right now?Originally posted by Fatum:the only barrier I've ever found .........
was religion unfortunately ....
and certainly not from my part either ....
I believe anything else can be surmounted, overlooked, worked out, or accommodated ....
when it comes to religion however ... many people (okay, many parents perhaps) ... harbour this "you're either going to heaven with me or going to hell" attitude ..... 
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me too .....Originally posted by av98m:ah religion...............believe you me if that wasn't in the way for me I'd quite possibly be happily married right now?
twice ! ........
dearling is pretty religious also ..... but I'm kind of jaded about all this now ..... if she wants to drag me to heaven with her her way, fine ... -
Yeah I forgot about religion
Some of them are so fanatical that it was scary -
Yeah... if one partner is forcing his/her religion down the other's throat, it is really very irritating.Originally posted by Fatum:the only barrier I've ever found .........
was religion unfortunately ....
and certainly not from my part either ....
I believe anything else can be surmounted, overlooked, worked out, or accommodated ....
when it comes to religion however ... many people (okay, many parents perhaps) ... harbour this "you're either going to heaven with me or going to hell" attitude .....
I think another barrier can be one's idea of what a 'family' means. To me, once a couple gets married, they become a family unit. Most would go on to have children to add on to the family, but to me, that isn't a must.
I guess if I've already met someone who's a divorcee or widower with kids, I'll gladly play stepmom although if the kids are nasty to me, it will really be hard.
I guess some differences are harder to stomach and compromise on than others. -
Surely religion won't be the only deal breaker?
Know what I fear? That I'll end up with someone who's a neat freak! I'm the sort who can leave most of the housework until the weekends and I do have my 'organised mess' 
so I think if I end up with someone who's always crying out for the house to be tidier, neater, cleaner, etc etc, we'll sooner or later dig each other's eyes out in a mortal combat!
One of my girlfriends even better! She declared, "If he wants the house to be super clean, he'd better make sure he cleans it up himself!" -
I dunno Rhonda ... more people would kill for religion than they would kill for love, what do you think ? ...
I nearly became
1. a hindu
2. a muslim
but religion reared it's ugly head .....
but oh well ..... ... if it all ends well I'd become a catholic .... I must say that I quite like the idea of a church wedding actually ... 
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Originally posted by Rhonda:
It is THE deal breaker that is very difficult to work around, if one party is fairly devout as opposed to those that just go to church once a week as some sort of obligation to parents. While the other party is either aethist, agnostic, or belongs to some other religion.
[b]Surely religion won't be the only deal breaker? -
Wah!Originally posted by Fatum:I dunno Rhonda ... more people would kill for religion than they would kill for love, what do you think ? ...
I nearly became
1. a hindu
2. a muslim
but religion reared it's ugly head .....
but oh well ..... ... if it all ends well I'd become a catholic .... I must say that I quite like the idea of a church wedding actually ...
Mr Pinky Bear didn't force his religion down my throat and I think I caused him to backslide >< -
*sigh* I just couldn't make myself accept a religion for that purpose. Not fair to me, not fair to her. I certainly could n ot make myself pretend to worship a being I do not really believe in. In the long run I could have ended up resenting the whole situation.Originally posted by Fatum:I dunno Rhonda ... more people would kill for religion than they would kill for love, what do you think ? ...
I nearly became
1. a hindu
2. a muslim
but religion reared it's ugly head .....
but oh well ..... ... if it all ends well I'd become a catholic .... I must say that I quite like the idea of a church wedding actually ... -
some people's families don't mind ... but some are very difficult ...Originally posted by elindra:Wah!
Mr Pinky Bear didn't force his religion down my throat and I think I caused him to backslide ><
1 was some high-caste vegetarian breed .... snobbish perhaps ... 2 was like something out of "bend it like beckham" .... -
there's no working around it cos the children will have to take after something .....Originally posted by av98m:*sigh* I just couldn't make myself accept a religion for that purpose. Not fair to me, not fair to her. I certainly could n ot make myself pretend to worship a being I do not really believe in. In the long run I could have ended up resenting the whole situation. -
Yup. I agree. One's religion is a personal choice. Not easy to be externally influenced.
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Are you just ... settling?Originally posted by Fatum:but oh well ..... ... if it all ends well I'd become a catholic .... I must say that I quite like the idea of a church wedding actually ... -
Err the high caste Indians are the worse of the lot to get along with lehOriginally posted by Fatum:some people's families don't mind ... but some are very difficult ...
1 was some high-caste vegetarian breed .... snobbish perhaps ... 2 was like something out of "bend it like beckham" ....
They are machium like the very olden snobbish Teochews (btw I'm Teochew ) -
I have lived with the fact that our children will be borned catholicsOriginally posted by Fatum:there's no working around it cos the children will have to take after something .....
I don't mind them having a religion
It's just that I'm agnostic >< Just can't commit to 1 religion -
I must say, Fatum definitely believes in racial harmony, from his dating history.
*presses laugh button*