Hurhur, by talking cock
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Ngee Ann Polytechnical student Chin Ah Pooi is disappointed that her own homemade sex video has not been as popular as that of Nanyang Polytechnic student ‘Tammy’.
Attractive NYP student Tammy had lost her cellphone, in which she had stored a video of her having torrid sex with her boyfriend. Whoever found it circulated it online, where it has spread faster than kaya on hot toast and caused a huge uproar, no doubt because sex is such a rarity amongst Singaporeans.
Ms. Chin’s video, which also shows herself having intimate relations with a fellow Ngee Ann schoolmate, however, has pretty much stayed put despite her mass-mailing it to everyone she knows under a file named ‘Tummy NP’.
“I also donno why,” said Ms Chin, 17 years old and 170 kg. “I also did everything that Tammy did. In fact, I showed even more flesh than Tammy.”
According to some who have received Ms. ChinÂ’s video, that may have been the problem.
Said Mr. Quah Por Noh, a fellow NP student, “I got her video, but I think there was so much pork on display that my email program immediately classified it as spam.”
Ms. Chin declined to identify her partner in the video. “Let’s just say he’s someone I had a big crush on,” she said, adding that he’s currently staying in “one of the major hospitals”.
The police, however, have confirmed that they have received complaints about the video, just like in the Tammy NYP case.
In the Tammy NYP case, the allegations are of an offence under the Films Act, which bars the distribution, showing, import or possession of obscene video recordings. However, in Ms. Chin’s case, the alleged offences are more generalized “crimes against humanity.”
“We take these complaints very seriously,” said ASP AV98m. “For instance, we’re investigating the Tammy NYP case very intensely. A whole team of us review the recording everyday. Some of us have even made copies so that after working hours, we can continue analyzing the case at home. We’re even considering asking Tammy herself to come into the station to tender oral evidence and perhaps even do a re-enactment to aid our investigation.”
For Ms. Chin’s case, ASP Pak said that while they had opened a file, preliminary indications were that there was no breach of the Films Act. “The Films Act bars obscene films, not horror films.”
Meanwhile, the furore around the Tammy NYP case is growing unabated, with conservatives decrying low moral values and other hypocritical bullshit.
“Why should a blow job be so offensive?” wrote XiaLan, in her popular blog. “It happens metaphorically in the civil service everyday.”
Others, however, believe the ensuing debate could be beneficial in the long run.
“I think ‘Tammy NYP’ is a great sex education video,” said Mr. Lai Kan Wah. “Tammy and her boyfriend are real role models. They’re having safe sex. They’re having sex with fellow citizens, not chao ang mors or Batam kways, like most other sexually active Singaporeans. I also think it will shake up the curriculum at the Film, Sound and Video course at Ngee Ann Poly. Despite being the leading film school in Singapore, none of their student films have reached an audience as wide as ‘Tammy NYP’. The Singapore Film Commission should give her a scholarship.”
Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are casting a skeptical eye on the whole affair.
“I bet ‘Tammy NYP’ is a hoax,” said popular underground blogger Mr. Pierogi. “I bet the Gahmen cooked it up to obscure sensitive issues in the upcoming elections like Ministerial pay and the NKF.”
Aside from Ms. Chin, more copycat versions of ‘Tammy NYP’ are flooding the Web, including:
- ‘Thambi NYP’: a young Tamil couple shagging in a boutique hotel along Serangoon Road.
- ‘Ramli NYP’: video footage of a young Malay man having indiscreet relations with a burger istimewa.
- ‘Granny NYP’: which is just too horrible to describe.
Ms. Chin is philosophical about her video’s comparative lack of popularity, saying, “Oh well, it’s just one of those mysteries of the universe, like why Nanyang Polytechnic is abbreviated as ‘NYP’, while Ngee Ann Polytechnic is abbreviated as ‘NP’.”
