question~
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would you mind about a person's past? this person is kinda special to you, or someone that you would like to start something with
past would refer to something like, a bankrupt ...... criminal record. this was a question posed to me someone over tea not too long ago
would this be an issue to start a r/s? also .... some may be okay with the r/s going to the bf/gf level, but not until the marriage level. well, this question got me thinking ..... -
Look into the future.
not into the past.
You can't change the past but you can mould the future. -
I think this is something quite personal? The so called 'history' would have a different effect to different people...? Depending on their nature... Some might mind while others might be totally ok with it?Originally posted by eutjin:would you mind about a person's past? this person is kinda special to you, or someone that you would like to start something with
past would refer to something like, a bankrupt ...... criminal record. this was a question posed to me someone over tea not too long ago
would this be an issue to start a r/s? also .... some may be okay with the r/s going to the bf/gf level, but not until the marriage level. well, this question got me thinking ..... -
to say no, i would be lying. more or less, one will be affected.
my question is always does she has the tendency of repeating the past? -
Hmm... it really depends on what kinda of past...
like u mentioned criminal records... what kinda of records? and his/her reasons and explaination abt it -
i must agree here. you do have quite a big chance and part to play in moulding the future of that particular person.Originally posted by Nelstar:Look into the future.
not into the past.
You can't change the past but you can mould the future. -
that was the main point in my answer too. if the person is different now, well .... this world filled with 2nd chances. no harm in giving one moreOriginally posted by www:to say no, i would be lying. more or less, one will be affected.
my question is always does she has the tendency of repeating the past?
i guess, the big question is trust. do you trust that the person is able to withhold the end of the bargain and change for the better? hopefully, not backslide and go back to old ways again ......
especially true for vices like gambling, drugs .... -
tts a layer of bery thin ice......
how we wish everyone can be magnanimous.....forgive and forget......
ppl may, on the surface, say they dun mind.....willing to forgive.....look into the future.....
but when quarrels come, they will flip old accounts.....humans are humans....u can't run away from it......
this issue shd be handled with utmost care and sensibility.....
i dun encourage hiding of info or telling white lies.....
if no choice have to say, or u dun bear to hide it from ur partner, try to tune it to a neutral tone....pick the right time, under the right atmosphere to say......or oni say when she/he touched on the topic.....and rber tt there is no need to go into details..... -
true ..... it also depends on the situation and personal convictions a person has. i was able to say yes to accepting most pasts, but when it came up to something like a single parent with a kid from the previous marriage, i stopped in my tracks. i doubt i can do thatOriginally posted by Devil1976:I think this is something quite personal? The so called 'history' would have a different effect to different people...? Depending on their nature... Some might mind while others might be totally ok with it?
this is where the point you brought up comes into play, i guess. i like kids, and if i come to a point in life to have one or more, i'll like them to be my own. a good example of personal conviction ... -
the very standards/judgements we put on others may one day come around and work against us. we need to have a 'perfect' record to start minding people's past. it's very stressful.
but as www pointed out, it's not easy not to be bothered by it. what's matters if he/she learnt from these 'mistakes' in life
there shouldn't be dead ends in life.. -
one thing to add....
it's not just about trusting ur partner or let bygones be......
u can do 100 good things and no one will notice....but 1 mistake only, ppl will always rber it........
the main prob lies in, in wat manner, the tone of voice when u say it.....and under wat circumstances u relate ur "story" to ur partner......
and oso to seek understanding and support so tt the mistake wun be repeated.....
u cannot erase wats oredi been a fact....but u can make it so tt it does not affect u, ur partner, ur future together....
u have to put in double, even triple effort......
when u score one F9, u need to get ten A1s to cover it........ -
okay, let me recall and try to put this into perspectiveOriginally posted by JeweL81:Hmm... it really depends on what kinda of past...
like u mentioned criminal records... what kinda of records? and his/her reasons and explaination abt it
one situation, a criminal record like, drug abuse or being involved in a gang fight ..... and he/she really was guilty of it. however, looking at him/her now, he/she doesn't seem to be the type ..... could he/she have changed? or does it only "seem" like it?
2nd one, a criminal record like the 2 above, but he/she was just unlucky to be hanging around with the wrong company and was at the wrong place at the wrong time (this does happen, and i've heard of lawyers pleading such a defense for their clients). this situation should be easy for most, but whatever it is, the record has been stained. can you accept that?
3rd one, a bankrupt person. still a bankrupt, but paying monthly installments to the official assignee. thus, have anything in their name. say you accept this, with reason, that he/she is at least working to mend their old ways. one day, this person turns and asks you to sign for a car loan they are taking up. they can't have the car in their name, but they can use yours. would it stop there at the car? would it progress to a home?
questions, questions -
relationships were so simple when you were young -
true true ...... when a quarrel comes along, some tend to say things they will regret later, like, "what do you know about managing money? if you did, you wouldn't be a bankrupt"Originally posted by FireIce:tts a layer of bery thin ice......
how we wish everyone can be magnanimous.....forgive and forget......
ppl may, on the surface, say they dun mind.....willing to forgive.....look into the future.....
but when quarrels come, they will flip old accounts.....humans are humans....u can't run away from it......
this issue shd be handled with utmost care and sensibility.....
i dun encourage hiding of info or telling white lies.....
if no choice have to say, or u dun bear to hide it from ur partner, try to tune it to a neutral tone....pick the right time, under the right atmosphere to say......or oni say when she/he touched on the topic.....and rber tt there is no need to go into details..... -
press on and look towards the future. settle wat needs to be settle and dun let it condemn the person for life.
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you've brought up another huge flaw of ppl, in general. always wanting to judge others. well, it's human nature, though we are told many times over to leave the judging to HimOriginally posted by sillyme:the very standards/judgements we put on others may one day come around and work against us. we need to have a 'perfect' record to start minding people's past. it's very stressful.
but as www pointed out, it's not easy not to be bothered by it. what's matters if he/she learnt from these 'mistakes' in life
there shouldn't be dead ends in life.. -
good advice. well, it's a good time to put a disclaimer for myselfOriginally posted by NeonTetra:press on and look towards the future. settle wat needs to be settle and dun let it condemn the person for life.
i'm not talking from experience, nor am i thinking to jump into a r/s with someone like i've described above. this was just a result of some talk over tea, coffee talk if you'll like to call it
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it always happens with work &^!@&#&!(@&!@Originally posted by FireIce:one thing to add....
it's not just about trusting ur partner or let bygones be......
u can do 100 good things and no one will notice....but 1 mistake only, ppl will always rber it........
the main prob lies in, in wat manner, the tone of voice when u say it.....and under wat circumstances u relate ur "story" to ur partner......
and oso to seek understanding and support so tt the mistake wun be repeated.....
u cannot erase wats oredi been a fact....but u can make it so tt it does not affect u, ur partner, ur future together....
u have to put in double, even triple effort......
when u score one F9, u need to get ten A1s to cover it........
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your future could change her past
saying you don't mind on the surface, but you do mind deep in your heart
its depending how your facing and accepting it
FI was right.