Look confidentFeeling good about yourself on the inside will make you feel great on the outside. You can also add to the internal changes you're making by deliberately looking and acting more confident. If you add extra zing to the way you come across, people will respond to you more positively - and that in turn will then make you feel even better about yourself!
To begin with, feel good about your physical appearance.
Don't make comparisons with others - accept yourself. In particular, don't compare yourself with models, celebrities and anyone who has their photos in the papers - they all get airbrushed so what you see is not reality!
Of course be proactive in looking good. But only change what is healthy for you to change; going over the top with, for example, starvation diets or extreme cosmetic surgery is a sign you need to work at being more comfortable with whom you are.
Being actively kind to your body will help you feel better about it. Indulging in sensual activities such as dance, massage - and loving sex - will work wonders for your body confidence.
Remember that after the first ten seconds, most people won't judge you on the way you look. If your personality shines through, you will make a good impression and people will respond positively to you.
If in any situation you find yourself feeling bad about the way you look, use this quick strategy. Remember a time when you felt really confident in your appearance, then take a deep breath and as you let it out, let yourself feel good.
Then add in confident body language - to make yourself seem confident even when you're not.
1]Stand tall. A confident posture is one with head held high and shoulders back. Place your feet about a foot's length apart so that you're well balanced. Keep eye contact with the other person.
2]Look happy. A positive expression will not only give the impression of confidence and make you feel better about yourself, it will make you approachable, and make people want to be with you.
3]Work to lose the nervous habits that signal a lack of confidence. Get a trusted friend or colleague to tell you one thing you do that makes you seem nervous - fidgeting with jewellery, saying 'you know' all the time. Then work to reduce that.
4]Be confident enough to take up space. Don't shrink into a corner, but allow yourself to take centre stage with broad gestures and a clear, definite voice tone.
5]Make sure you are taking your share of any conversation - not grabbing attention but talking equally along with others. So in a twosome you should be talking roughly 50 per cent of the time, in a threesome roughly 33 per cent and so on.
Put the icing on the cake by dressing confidently.1]Don't hide inside your clothes, choosing too-big sizes because you hate your figure. Dress gurus suggest that whatever size you are, outlining your shape will make a more confident - and so more effective statement.
2]Yes, black is the new black. But brighter colours make a statement that you are happy to be noticed because you know you look good.
In work situations, wear whatever fits with the office culture (jeans, skirt, suit) so you're accepted by your colleagues. But always dress slightly above your level, with the best clothes you can afford, to make the statement that you're worth it.
3]Have your own individual take on styling so that you're not slavishly following fashion. Develop a signature element that marks you out - wonderful earrings, a classy scarf or a signature scent.
4]If choosing between a conservative look and a stunning one, resist the temptation to play it safe. Dress to turn heads and you will - which in itself will boost your self-esteem.
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Act confidentOnce you've started to build your self-esteem, you'll find your increased confidence affecting how you act in the rest of your life. Here are more tips to build on that - particularly in the workplace.
People with low self-esteem often put such high expectations on themselves that they can never feel good. Get a clear idea of what you can expect of yourself in the workplace - checking it out with your manager - and work to that.
Avoid colleagues who sap your self-esteem, either by putting you down or by building themselves up so much that you feel inferior. Instead, mix with ones who because they believe in themselves, are secure enough to let you do the same.
It can be tempting to think you have to handle everything alone, and struggle on even when you're not coping. But a truly confident person admits when they've reached their limits and asks clearly for more resources from colleagues and managers.
Get a mentor or buddy, someone a few steps above you on the work ladder, who is positive and who can encourage you. Meet regularly - say once a month - to review your progress and plan the next move.
You may feel that you need to hide your successes - that it's not good to brag. But it's vital to acknowledge them to yourself - and let others realise you're doing well. So be proud of your victories - and share them with others.
Making decisions - particularly on big issues such as job change or project management - may tap into your self-doubt, so you spend all your time wobbling about what to do. Here's a useful five part strategy. 1]First set a goal - and make it clear, positive and yours. In particular, to begin with, don't worry about what other people want; go with your own gut reaction.
2]Collect information. Choose three people you respect, and who respect you. Don't ask them to make the decision for you - but do ask 'what do I need to know in order to make a good decision here'. Then let what you've learned settle for a while.
3]Remind yourself of your abilities. You may be wary of making a decision because you are scared you won't cope. So make a list - maybe with the support of a colleague - of the strengths you have that could help you action your decision.
4]Remove blocks. If you know that something is stopping you actioning any decision you make, pinpoint what. Then find ways round the block by brainstorming creative solutions.
5]Make the best decision you can. Then sleep on it. If in the morning you have doubts, imagine deciding otherwise and see how that feels. If in the morning there seem to be no major objections, then action what you've decided - and stick with that.
