Jokest Joke of the Jokes
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Have any jokes u came across and wish to share?
There u are~
a Thread specially for U!
May Ur Jokes really jOke Us~
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A lady lost 3 panties in her house. She blamed her maid in
front of her husband. The maid replied: " Sir! you should know very well i don't wear any underwear!" -
DO YOU LOVE YOUR BOSS?
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm Afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
Coz," he replied laughing,
"I just love hearing it..." -
Most Embarrassing Feminine Moments
A contest was organized by "New Woman Magazine" on
"Most Embarrassing moments" topic. The following are few good
embarrassing moments that magazine received from several women.
----------------- Curl Up and Die ------------------
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blow job?"
Melinda Lowe, 39,
Seguin, TX
----------------------- Pad, please! ---------------
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our
mortgage insurance. He
was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and
get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of
our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,
Winston-Salem, NC
----------------------- Ho, Ho, Ho ----------------
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into
the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well
that I had copies made and included one with each of
our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture,
laughing hysterically, and
suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition
to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror
wearing nothing but a
camera!
----------------------- Lady Golfer------------------
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at
the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins,
31, Ferndale, MI
--------------------- Nuts about You----------------
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34,
Ellerslie, MD
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The following are the top four winners of a Most
Embarrassing Moments
Contest in the "New Woman Magazine":
----------------- Na-na na-na na-nah! ------------
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that
if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will
tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
were screams of
laughter.
Amy Richardson;
Stafford, Virginia
------------------- Surprise! ----------------------
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was
living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making
love, we heard the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
girlfriend that I give her a
nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want
to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights
suddenly came on and a
whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins
and all my friends
were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen
in a state of shock and
embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise
party again.
Tim Cahill,
Poughkeepsie, New York
------------------ Priceless ----------------------
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moments stories
I've come upon in a
long time was about a lady who picked up several items
at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned
that one of her items
had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the
store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
----------------- Mom's Advice-----------------------
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the
class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch and not paying
attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was
quite embarrassed and
whispered that he had just recently been circumcised
and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's
office. He was to phone
his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He
did it and returned to
his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the
room. She went back to
investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with
his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could
stick it out till noon,
she'd come and pick me up from school."
So are you happy and de-stressed now???? -
Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip.
Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?" Lady A replied: "I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don't you know that one week has seven days?" She was let go without having to pay tax.
Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: "Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?" The offended Lady B replied: "I also do not wash when I travel. Don't you know that one year has twelve months?" -
Once upon a time Cinderella was so horny so she put Pinocchio's nose between her legs and shouted, "Lie to me Bastard, Lie!!"
Get it???? -
Tamil ladies are always looking for sex. Each time they come across a guy, they would fold their hands, look down and say "wannacum"?????
(Wannacum" in tamil actually means "hello"! -
Why do newly-weds have a 7 days honeymoon and not 6 or 8 days?
Because 7 days make the whole(hole) week(weak)! -
wahahaha!! WWW u making my customers think i gone nuts leow!! Laffing at the computer screen so loud!
TX -
Three men were chatting in the pub. The topic was on sports.
The China Man from Taiwan said: "I have four daughters, one more I can form a basketball team."
The rich tycoon from Indonesia said: "I have five sons, one more I can have a volleyball team."
The third wealthy man from the Middle East has no children. After some hesitation, he said: "I have 17 wives, one more I can have a golf course." -
Question: What is the similarity between woman and aeroplane?
Answer: They both have "cock-pits". -
hahah... maybe i read it so many times and i forgot how funny is it liao. which one are u laughing at?Originally posted by True_Xerion:wahahaha!! WWW u making my customers think i gone nuts leow!! Laffing at the computer screen so loud!
TX -
One day an elephant met a camel. Elephant asked, "Why your neh neh grow at your back?" Camel angry, said, "Why don't you ask yourself why your "ku ku jiao" grow on your face?"
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The boss came out from his room and said "Wah! Got cake ah!
Who buy? All the staff replied - "Chee Buy Lah!!!!!" -
The Hair Salon, Nut Store & Golf ball ones kekekeke!Originally posted by www:hahah... maybe i read it so many times and i forgot how funny is it liao. which one are u laughing at? -
A mother and her son were flying Qantas from Perth to Sydney.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "Why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to
ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy said that he had.
With a clever grin, the flight attendant said, "Tell your mother it's because Qantas always pulls out on time. -
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed -
Hey Sexy!
I know I haven't known you very long, and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.
If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help.
You must think by now, that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until it's very dry.
I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so...
Can you give me a piece of gum? -
Don't Poke Him In Church!
A couple was sitting in church. The man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked: "Who created the Earth and man?"
The woman poked the man with her knitting needle, and the man screamed, "GOD!"
The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."
Then he asked "Who is God's son?"
Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!"
Again, the priest said, "Correct."
Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam
when she didn't want any more children?"
The knitter poked her husband again,
but this time he got up and screamed:
"Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!"
The priest smiled and said, "That's right." -
wahahahahaha!!!!Originally posted by toothie:One day an elephant met a camel. Elephant asked, "Why your neh neh grow at your back?" Camel angry, said, "Why don't you ask yourself why your "ku ku jiao" grow on your face?" -
One of my fav joke abt women...
Over coffee, Josie told Sally "I ran into Heather this morning; gosh, she's still drop dead gorgeous at this age of 45...so i ran into her again..." -
LITTLE JOHNNY Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." so Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. - first, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse... so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. - ok, now take off my skirt... and he takes off her skirt. now take off my bra... which he does. - and now, Johnny, please take off my panties. and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more
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Originally posted by xking:LITTLE JOHNNY Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this." so Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. - first, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse... so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. - ok, now take off my skirt... and he takes off her skirt. now take off my bra... which he does. - and now, Johnny, please take off my panties. and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more
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Lol i love this one.... make me almost wanna burst out laughing in office.Originally posted by toothie:One day an elephant met a camel. Elephant asked, "Why your neh neh grow at your back?" Camel angry, said, "Why don't you ask yourself why your "ku ku jiao" grow on your face?"
another i also find very funny is the indian one "Vannacum"?
Nice one -