Forced marriage - pls advise
-
First of all, thank you so much to everyone who reply to this thread, but i must say 50% of it are crap posters like Terminiator.
However, many thanks to Kuali Baba, Msarieslionheart197, hisoka, sonic, fugazzi and xtreyier.
(fudgester)
Looks like a fish, smells like a fish. I'm more willing to believe that he's some 15 year old kid on school holidays with nothing better to do.hello, i'm 25 yrs old guy surfing web during office hours ok? no boss around now.
(redizalert)
I dun believe u r this noble. Let's say u r, I also dun believe u wll do all of the above tat u hav mentioned.
Well, for those who don't believe that i'll do all those "noble acts" mentioned above, actually, i will. The reason being: the viet girl is going to spend several years of her life with a guy who has 0% feelings for her.To make up for this, all these acts are the least i can do to compensate her.
i've also thought about, when i eventually divorce her as per the plan, her family friends in viet will despise her, so my plan is to at least let her stay on in SG and get proper job. it's not that hard, and i've enough savings in my bank to at least pay for all her courses up to diploma-level course.
if i were to keep her at home and do housework everyday plus i don't treat her as wife, it's very mean and bad to her (mental health etc).
to reiterate, this is the least i can do, and she'll likely be better off than in vietnam, as i heard majority of viet guys drink a lot and beat their wives. and vietnam's living condition is poorer than SG.as for sex, i can easily DIY. i can't have sex with someone i have no interest it at all.
i can't even steam in such situations.
(january)
leave the house loh...complain to all your relatives and find support...
worst come to worst.. pack your bags and leave your parents to live outside on your own..
i've thought about this, but not possible. for those of you who dunno, my family is very closely knitted compared to a lot of other modern SG families. no politics, no quarrels, whole family sit together watch TV even though my siblings are all quite grown up.(lin88)
if u really dun wan forced marriage...juz say no to your parents....its better than ruining the viet's girl life..
tried already, and it's been about 2 years, with me debating on and off regarding the issue now and then. if it can be avoided, i won't be posting her.
(sonic)
IMO, it is really sad, if you have parents breathing down your neck, pushing you to get married. Marriage is for two person ultimately, not four.
If you marry someone from other countries, who knows, they may just be interested in your money, or maybe, at the opportunity of moving to another country for a better life.
true.....and i'm scared of being murdered in my sleep with my "wife" running away with my money.
In truth, even though marriages between two nationalities or races are pretty common now, I still feel that relationships with the same nationalities or race will last longer, due to the fact that he/she has a higher chance of understanding your culture/behaviour/habits.
true.....i seriously wonder how the viet girl is even going to communicate with me?
i'm not gonna learn vietnamese, so maybe i'll use sign language to talk to her, and vice versa. the more i think about this, the more outrageous it is.
And also, arranged marriage have a higher chance of failing I believe. What TS should do, is to say no to his parents (in a polite way of course). Afterall, he is the one who will be staying in the same room with her and sleeping on the same bed with her.
that's exactly what happened to my grandma and grandpa.
both of them had nothing to say to each other at 40s, and at 50s and beyond,
they were complete strangers living in the same house. probably only talked a word or two in 1 - 2 months.
(Msarielionsheart197)
aiyo, Ah Boy…. you are still young and sad to said you are abit childish. Dont marry that girl if you have intention to divorce later. Dont be so silly to sponsor her to study…. by than she is the one who want to divorce you.
i would be really happy if she divorce me. the earlier the better.I think you must be the only son/child and always depend on them, they treat you like a small kid and afraid that you choose the wrong girl or worried that cant get one.
yeah, that's right on the spot. they always treat me like a 3-year old infant though i'm 25. Even when i'm 15 - 18 yrs old years ago, my mom still hold my wrist to cross the road. and when i need to do something (errand or task etc.), my dad always ask "can you do it?" and "are you able to do it?"
i can seriously say if i were to enter a story-writing competition with a 2-year old toddler, instead of supporting me, they would say "are you sure you can win the 2 year old?"add to this, maybe cos' also i spend a big part of my time on video games, so......
that's how it is.yesterday, i was thinking of how, nowadays, even SG girls don't face this kind of crap, while me as an SG guy have to.
(Bayje)
cant u just get a female friend to act as your gf?
that only happens on TV. i've some pretty female colleagues but how is it fair to them as well? and they've bfs too, and the more we act, the deeper we would drag the matter.in any case, the inventor of this entire "mail order bride" concept really needs to go to hell. i don't give a damn to who he is.
i hope SG gahmen can save me and ban this entire mail-order bride thing in SG and MAKE IT ILLEGAL.
the idea of using $$$ to buy a woman to be your wife is outrageous.....no man with a respectable amt of pride would even dream of this kind of crime.
love should be when a guy sees a girl he likes, his heart beats fast and excited , and then begins the different stages of chasing the girl. that's the natural path.
by using $$$ to buy a girl, regardless of how pretty she is, you won't get the same kind of satisfaction or achievement as when you actually won her heart yourself and through your abilities, not some farking cash.
how is this any different from hiring a prostitute?! i know my parents mean well, but their methods to achieve their good intentions are wholly wrong.
-
Nikar:
You may be 25, but you're really acting like 15. In fact, many 15 year olds would act in a far more mature manner than this.
You can try to justify your Plan B all you want, but the bottom line is that you're selfishly hurting one innocent Vietnamese girl just so that you can prove a point to your parents.
Say whatever you want, but if you're going to marry knowing full well that you're gonna divorce her, then you're taking her for a ride no matter how much you compensate her. So what if she gets a supposedly better life here? At the cost of her family and friends? You want to destroy one family and a whole lot of friendships..... for what?!?! To prove a point to your parents?
If you really want to do that sort of thing, then please get yourself castrated, seriously....
As a good friend of mine once said, having balls simply makes you male, but using them properly is what that makes you a man....
-
I agree with fudgester. A viet bride is still human and has feelings etc. Shes not just a feelingless toy for you to just buy and throw around just to satisfy your parents. The divorce will be an utter disgrace to her in front of her family and friends and she herself might be emotionally affected since women tend to be more emotional over such things.
-
Nikar 3
You just want to settle the issue of your parent - you just bring a oversea bride over, thinking that you bloody give her some education and divorce her later.
Yes you try to justify her that giving her some education & money, but that does not make it any right !!! By coming to singapore - she lost her world in vietnam,
then after staying here for a while - she is neither Singapore or vietnam - after the divorce she will have problem, she go back to vietnam or stay in Singapore.
To force to pretend to be wife of such an "asshole" even for a day is hell !!! You are a bloody idiot !!!No wonder your parent want to force you to take a wife.
You are so immature and selfish in your thinking. -
Nikar, may be you wanna consider to tell your parents to let you freedom to choose who you want to marry. If they refuse then you tell them you may turn gay if you are forced into any marriage.
-
but then again, what if i mention to the viet girl at the beginning and tell her all about my plans and let her agree first?
btw, when picking these viet girls, they are also the willing party.......it's not as if i go vietnam and force anyone to be my wife.
it's more like "Live and Work in Singapore and marry a SG guy in name only!" kinda thing. what if she goes back to vietnam one day and is a lot richer? who would despise her?
also, it's not as if i'm treating her like a toy and abusing her.....i'll treat her very well, like let her watch TV all she wants, do some very basic housechores, give her money and let her go shopping, take up courses, find local viet clubs and communities for her to join, and even find suitable hubby for her etc.....just that i keep some distance from her and don't treat her like wife.
-
Originally posted by Nikar 3:
but then again, what if i mention to the viet girl at the beginning and tell her all about my plans and let her agree first?
btw, when picking these viet girls, they are also the willing party.......it's not as if i go vietnam and force anyone to be my wife.
it's more like "Live and Work in Singapore and marry a SG guy in name only!" kinda thing. what if she goes back to vietnam one day and is a lot richer? who would despise her?
*me slaps forehead*
You seriously don't get it at all....
So your plan now is.... 'Treat a woman like a toy, as long as she wants to be a toy, just so that I can teach my parents a lesson?'
So what if you treat her well and pay for her shopping, etc? You are simply treating her as nothing more than a high-end Tamagotchi requiring a high degree of upkeep.
The very fact that you're considering this stupid plan shows just how little regard you have for women. Any woman who accepts it would have very little regard for herself to begin with, and no respectable family would ever want a daughter who thinks that way.
I can honestly see why your parents are resorting to getting a foreign bride for you to begin with. No girl worth her salt would ever want a man with this utter lack of maturity.
-
You are only 25.
Why your parents wants to end your youth so soon ?
As a man, you can always say no to your parents what.
Unless you are a weakling good for nothing who still depends on your parents for allowance issit ?
Grow a spine dude.
-
Originally posted by Nikar 3:
but then again, what if i mention to the viet girl at the beginning and tell her all about my plans and let her agree first?
btw, when picking these viet girls, they are also the willing party.......it's not as if i go vietnam and force anyone to be my wife.
it's more like "Live and Work in Singapore and marry a SG guy in name only!" kinda thing. what if she goes back to vietnam one day and is a lot richer? who would despise her?
also, it's not as if i'm treating her like a toy and abusing her.....i'll treat her very well, like let her watch TV all she wants, do some very basic housechores, give her money and let her go shopping, take up courses, find local viet clubs and communities for her to join, and even find suitable hubby for her etc.....just that i keep some distance from her and don't treat her like wife.
If you don't want to treat her like a wife.. then for god sake .. don't marry her.
You are not the only guy out there who is able to marry her and give her a good life.
Sorry to pop your "knight in shiny armor" dream... but I think you are better off just rejecting your "parents" advances.
-
his parents should really consider post-natal abortion...
-
25 years too late to kill da bastard.
-
TO NIKAR:
HEY KIMOSABY!U WANT A VIETNAMESE WIFE THATS WHY U KEEP GOIN WITH MOMA N PAPAS PLANS!WE CAN READ U LIKE A BOOK!WHY U GOT NO MOUTH TO TELL THEM U DUN WANT IS IT????WHICH ARMY DID U COME FROM??IM SURPRISED SINGAPORE COULD ACTUALLY PRODUCE THIS KIND OF 25 YR OLDS??
U EITHER TELL PARENTS NO OR U TOUCH VIETNAMESE GAL UNTIL SHE SCREAM N CRY!
VERY SIMPLE...DUN NEED TO WASTE TIME!
-
Let the penis do the thinking.
-
seriously... this whole story really looks like its totally copied (ported) from the Korean "Golden Bride" drama show now showing on cable tv channel 55 @ 12am weekdays..
-
May b Nikar still a kid in him though he is 25
-
From your previous posts, I can believe you are indeed 25.
Have you ever tried to just dig your heels in and refuse, even ignore the idea? I mean they can't force you.
-
TO NIKAR:
HOW CAN U SAY THE VIETGALS HAVE TO EARN YOUR MARRIAGE MONEY N GO BACK TO HER KAMPONG N BE LOOKED UPON AS A GOD?
FRIEND!!THEIR VIETPEOPLE HAVE MORE RESOURCES IN VIETNAM WORLDWIDE,THEY DUN NEED TO EARN YER TYPE OF MONEY LAH!
THEY CAN GO OVERSEAS N WERK IN DECENT MORALLY CORRECT WERK FACTORIES AND EARN SPORE MANAGER PAY.IN FACT THE GALS IN VIETNAM EARN MORE IN FACTORIES IN USA,OZ AND DEVELOPED EUROPEAN COUNTRIES THAN WAT U ARE ABLE TO GIVE THEM.THEY HAVE INDEED MORE RESOURCES THAN U THOUGHT,,,DUN UNDERESTIMATE THEM ON MONEY MATTERS.THEY MIGHT LOOK DOWN ON U N SAY U HAVE TOO LITTLE MONEY WHEN THEIR FRIENDS EARN MORE OVERSEAS AS WERKIN GALS IN FACTORIES FROM DEVEOPED COUNTRIES EXCEPT IN SINGAPORE.
THE WORLD HAS PROGRESSED RAPIDLY..... U WONT BE ABLE TO AFFORD VIET BRIDES RIGHT NOW!I DUN THINK YOUR THINKIN APPLIES IN 2009.....PERHAPS BACK RIGHT AFTER THE VIETNAM WAR.PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THIS CURRENT WORLD EVENTS INSTEAD OF PLAYIN TOO MUCH COMPUTER GAMES!FROM LOOKS OF IT U NEED TO SEEK HELP FOR YER COMPUTER GAME PROBLEM CUZ U ARE IGNORANT ON VIETNAM IN DETAIL!
IF U THINK IM BLUFFING,,,,,,,,,,,,,THEN GO AHEAD AND SWALLOW YER BITTER PILL U ARE ABOUT TO SWALLOW!
-
TO NIKAR:
U SURE VIETNAM WIFE DUN END UP BEATING N YELLIN AT U IN THE END OR NOT??CUZ VIETNAMES FAMILY IS A PUNCH N JUDY SHOW.MAN N WIFE BEAT EACH OTHER UP AND THEY ACTUALLY ENJOY IT!
-
Originally posted by Nikar 3:
but then again, what if i mention to the viet girl at the beginning and tell her all about my plans and let her agree first?
btw, when picking these viet girls, they are also the willing party.......it's not as if i go vietnam and force anyone to be my wife.
it's more like "Live and Work in Singapore and marry a SG guy in name only!" kinda thing. what if she goes back to vietnam one day and is a lot richer? who would despise her?
also, it's not as if i'm treating her like a toy and abusing her.....i'll treat her very well, like let her watch TV all she wants, do some very basic housechores, give her money and let her go shopping, take up courses, find local viet clubs and communities for her to join, and even find suitable hubby for her etc.....just that i keep some distance from her and don't treat her like wife.
Well, lets get serious.
You are just asking for trouble.
If you get a good Vietnam girl, you will just end up breaking her heart. She came all the way from her homeland to be your faithful wife, to be loving and caring to you, whereas you treat her as if she doesn't mean much to you. In short, you are thinking about giving her material comfort with little care.
You are planning to behave like those parents who think that money and toys can keep their children happy, while they work away the whole day, come home late at night, and go straight to bed. I have some children who complain to me during tutor classes that their parents seem to not care at all about them, and some even feel closer to me than their parents.
In the end, you are just going to make her feel depress and unhappy, having wasted her time here to be your part-time maid.
On the otherhand, if you get a bad Vietnam girl, you will be the one asking for it. Seeing you as the fool, she can and she will easily hollow your pockets, as you have no idea what she is doing behind your back. After divorce, she will fight her way through court to strip you of as much as she could.
By then, you will regret being the joker you are, having bring a load of problems to not only yourself but also your parents. Your parents will not only be upset, but they will also be angry, especially if the woman made a cuckoo of you. You may not think that way, as you wanted her to find another man, but rest assure, the rest of the SGforums and your relatives will take you as a laughing stock.
In short, you think too shallowly about marriage. You mention that posts like Terminator and others not mentioned by you are crap, but these crap shown how childish and immature you are.
Compared to these craps, your decision is the crap of all craps, a selfish and ridiculous one. Don't go around thinking you are being a saint, you are just being a hypocrite.
You refuse to enter marriage, and yet you are willing to bend to your parents' will so easily, thus showing how indecisive you are. You do not have the courage to actually challenge your parents, and I am not talking about being a rebellious child. What you are doing is standing up for what is morally ethical, and what you truly want.
Are you going to let your parents made all your decisions for you? When to have children, what to do in difficult situations...etc. This will only make you a big baby, and indeed, as I mentioned before, you are a 25 years old behaving like a 15 years old.
I come from a traditional and strict family, but even so, I dare to stand up and challenge decisions made by my elderly, even if it means facing the cane. It is humiliating for a 20+ to be caned, but I believe in my own decision and my own right in choosing what I truly want.
Please take this time to reflect upon your "plans" and think about what you truly want for yourself.
-
maybe the TS should marry the terminator fella...
-
Nikar,
I am amazed that u need to explain, rationalize and defend your position or stance.
Aiyoh, all who post here have in some way or another - been suggestively prodding u to be wise though some may have are not too articulate (which is no sin).
The only sin - is to sleepwalk and bleat away like sheep!
You have a crowd in you - especially the conditioning and a mountain of beliefs - which is apparent that u a blissfully ignorant of.
As for you projecting into the future that you might do this or do that for her or for anyone - i m being blunt here - please, don't delude your self and others around you.
Loyalty, obligation, to clan, parents, to country - utter crap!.
When another is used a means to an end - in this instance - i can only surmise that your parents are using u - what about u? Its perfectly alrite to use a thing, but to use another - its prostituting oneself especially more so in the arena of social life.
I m saying that its ok to be u - but its never ok to hide behind excuses, rationales and most of all its ugly - to drag someone else to meet your ends.
-
eh nikar, ur parents very old liao izit?
tats why they are hurrying u to get married..??
if they insist u to buy a bride, i would rather u go viet pub, find one viet-bu, fall in love and get married..
at least, its consensual n love..
i tell u, this kind of love is better much worth it.
at least those viet-bu noes the hardship they have been thru n will treasure u more.
when u buy a bride from village, mostly, they havent seen the world enough and oso, its not out of feeling. its a transaction.
i have many frenz who married vietnam girl. seen many cases.
good luck..
find siam-bu la, more chio n hot..
haahaha
-
Originally posted by the Bear:
his parents should really consider post-natal abortion...
Meaning murder in whatever degree.. -
Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:
Meaning murder in whatever degree..
let's call this "euthanasia"killing him would put his parents out of their misery
-
Originally posted by the Bear:
let's call this "euthanasia"killing him would put his parents out of their misery
DOn't say this. Its not nice.