I regretted being such a loser back in sec life, not making friends. Until i realized all your good friends will actually come from, during your sec sch life. In poly/ns/worklife, ppl will hang out wif their friends after sch/work. Reflected back, I may change for the better, for my own good. But, i still will be alone. Tried going for some forum outing once, make friends, but realized they are just some ppl with a bit of attitude problem, don’t like to talk, talk with no link ..etc. Though i may still hav a couple of good friends, but we can’t be lik in the past. Ppl hav their own path to walk, busy own stuff. I faced .. alone during festivals, dining alone, shop for stuffs alone etc. But then i do stay positive & healthy, go jogging myself, visit llibrary read book. How can i make my own social life better?

hey, learn to enjoy yr solitude =) at least i learnt to enjoy mine

but i guess sanguines do draw strength from others. if you are the type which  enjoys the company of others a lot more than that of a computer/book/cup of coffee, then yeah, work on yr social life. go to a chuch perhaps? lol.

not here to give advice, just my thoughts. i agree with you that yr circle of friends will shrink as you get older. i also agree with you that generally, you make the closest friends during yr secondary sch life. you still have a couple of good friends, i think that's enough. after all, like you said, everyone will have their own lives to lead. this also make the get-togethers more meaningful and enjoyable.

mmhmm

Hi TS, i shared your sentiments deeply.

For me, my closest friends were also made during secondary school. As i moved on to university and eventually work, i realized that the once the day of class/work is over, my course mates/colleagues will usually have plans with their own friends already or be meeting "someone" later.

So if you do not have a strong network of intimate friends (which happens in my case), that sense of isolation and depressiveness can really be devastating.

I could still remember those days when i was doing my university course, i dread particulary those times when there was a long weekend coming ahead or the eve of a public holiday. Everyone around me would be discussing about their plans, some would be organizing a house party or chalet, others would even be planning a short trip with their friends.

Those times really felt like mental torture to me sometimes. Not many people can identify with such feelings though. The thing is, "having friends and company" is something so natural and taken for granted for most people.

So for the minority who falls out of the normal category, your sense of isolation is magnified and you also don't have many people to share your feelings with.  

Are you working currently?

If there are any outings organized by your department, e.g dinner, bbq or ktv or whatever, you can go along. And through the interactions with your colleagues there, you might be able to find a few whom you can click better with. And then you can suggest a smaller outing with the few closer ones. And gradually you might have a small circle of your "own friends" you can hang out with - and even if you move on to a new job eventually, you can still meet your "own friends" after your day of work at the new company ends.

Originally posted by gongkia21:

I regretted being such a loser back in sec life, not making friends. Until i realized all your good friends will actually come from, during your sec sch life. In poly/ns/worklife, ppl will hang out wif their friends after sch/work. Reflected back, I may change for the better, for my own good. But, i still will be alone. Tried going for some forum outing once, make friends, but realized they are just some ppl with a bit of attitude problem, don’t like to talk, talk with no link ..etc. Though i may still hav a couple of good friends, but we can’t be lik in the past. Ppl hav their own path to walk, busy own stuff. I faced .. alone during festivals, dining alone, shop for stuffs alone etc. But then i do stay positive & healthy, go jogging myself, visit llibrary read book. How can i make my own social life better?

Hi gongkia21,

You can try out voluntary work, if you feel that it is alright with you. You will be able to meet people from all walks of life and also listen to the stories of those who are less fortunate than us.  

If you have a religion belief, such as Christianity, you can try visiting the church more often and talk to your fellow church-goers. Most of them will likely not mind making more friends.

Cheers.

Originally posted by gongkia21:

I regretted being such a loser back in sec life, not making friends. Until i realized all your good friends will actually come from, during your sec sch life. In poly/ns/worklife, ppl will hang out wif their friends after sch/work. Reflected back, I may change for the better, for my own good. But, i still will be alone. Tried going for some forum outing once, make friends, but realized they are just some ppl with a bit of attitude problem, don’t like to talk, talk with no link ..etc. Though i may still hav a couple of good friends, but we can’t be lik in the past. Ppl hav their own path to walk, busy own stuff. I faced .. alone during festivals, dining alone, shop for stuffs alone etc. But then i do stay positive & healthy, go jogging myself, visit llibrary read book. How can i make my own social life better?

are u brandon?

Perfectcut82 – no, i’m still serving ns.
A.T.R – no, i’m not brandon. hu is he?

Originally posted by gongkia21:

Perfectcut82 – no, i’m still serving ns.
A.T.R – no, i’m not brandon. hu is he?

u can't get along with your ns camp people?

Originally posted by gongkia21:

I regretted being such a loser back in sec life, not making friends. Until i realized all your good friends will actually come from, during your sec sch life. In poly/ns/worklife, ppl will hang out wif their friends after sch/work. Reflected back, I may change for the better, for my own good. But, i still will be alone. Tried going for some forum outing once, make friends, but realized they are just some ppl with a bit of attitude problem, don’t like to talk, talk with no link ..etc. Though i may still hav a couple of good friends, but we can’t be lik in the past. Ppl hav their own path to walk, busy own stuff. I faced .. alone during festivals, dining alone, shop for stuffs alone etc. But then i do stay positive & healthy, go jogging myself, visit llibrary read book. How can i make my own social life better?

hmm... my circles of good friends are known from church. I have never really been in contact with my sec/poly friends ever since graduated. Like you say they got their own stuff to busy with.

my circle of frens has shrinked since i got older but most of of the frens i still have now  were from sec school/poly days

lol u do realise u by saying that u juz said all the ppl who gone for forum outings have attitude problems. wow kudos to u xD. anyways as we get older, our social circle does get smaller coz we r no longer in school, u dun study n spend most of ur time talking n chit chatting like kids as we all did in sch.

but as they have mentioned, u can still go out with ur frens' frens or get to know more ppl online, church or stuff like that.

but u haf to know, sooner or later, everyone has their own family or life to b concerned over, they cant always b with u all the time, there will b a time when u haf to b with ur own family too. true frens will always b around, but u cant expect them to b like last time, always around to hang out n play, they can still b there to help n accompany u when u r down, but on the whole they still haf their own life to lead.

Originally posted by gongkia21:

I regretted being such a loser back in sec life, not making friends. Until i realized all your good friends will actually come from, during your sec sch life. In poly/ns/worklife, ppl will hang out wif their friends after sch/work. Reflected back, I may change for the better, for my own good. But, i still will be alone. Tried going for some forum outing once, make friends, but realized they are just some ppl with a bit of attitude problem, don’t like to talk, talk with no link ..etc. Though i may still hav a couple of good friends, but we can’t be lik in the past. Ppl hav their own path to walk, busy own stuff. I faced .. alone during festivals, dining alone, shop for stuffs alone etc. But then i do stay positive & healthy, go jogging myself, visit llibrary read book. How can i make my own social life better?

Having read your post, I realized your regrets stemmed from loneliness.

Well, you wont find any answer in front of your computer. A thousand good advices can be found, but a thousand discarded, simply because it requires an action, of which you are NOT ready to take actively.

It can quite comfortable to hide in the shell of your room, with a cup of coffee, and stare into the computer, read some articles, play some games, etc. It is all so passive and it is within your control at the click of a button.

You need not go out under the weather, spend money and time, facing crowds and queues, interacting with people, pleasing others and being pleased, etc. In this shell of existance, you find comfort and solace, and bemoan your loneliness to any who would hear.

However, only you alone can find and make that decision to get out of your comfort zone, and do what must be done to enrich your life, not just materially, but spiritually as well ( i dont mean just religion alone).

One bad encounter does not mean ALL encounters will be bad. Friendships and trust need time to build, just as during our naive and innocent schooldays, which has its ups and downs, but fortunate that we see our friends or foe everyday, to make the changes necessary to adjust to our comfort level of interaction.

Shut down the computer. Turn it off and weaned yourself out of computer. Go out instead to the real world and make friends. Lessen your dependence on the computer as an extension of yourself to others - it never works for you are just another faceless jumble of text. Meet real people through games, activities or social work. It is not that difficult, really. A genuine smile from the lips as well as the eyes at another is all it takes to know another person, followed up by an invitation for coffee or a meal together to get to know one another better, men or women.

Cheers and good luck.

Originally posted by A.T.R:

are u brandon?

lol. good try tho.